Downtown/Temple Square

So yesterday we had the chance to go downtown. Well, I guess I wouldn't say we HAD the chance so much as we took the chance. Jared had an interview downtown yesterday afternoon. (He looks so nervous! He was too!)

Yup, all dressed up for the interview. We hope it went well. It's not the ideal job but it would be a start. It's in his field and with a very good company. He's very interested and would be excited to work for them. It's just contract work but it would be something to start out with anyways...and he'd get the experience. That's how he is looking at it. Again, still hoping it went well and something will manifest from it.

During his interview, I took the kids to the church history museum. It was supposed to have a kids play area. It was under re-construction! They are creating a new theme for the area and it's not finished! The kids were so disappointed. I felt bad and did my best to keep them entertained. So we walked around the museum, and when we were done, we headed outside to walk around temple sqaure. After Jared was done with his interview, he met back up with us and we walked around some more. As it got closer to dark we decided to go eat. We ate at the Nauvoo Cafe. It was delicious and just what we needed to get refreshed and kill some time as we waited for the lights to turn on.

It was so nice being there right after the lights turned on. The crowds were small still. We were able to freely walk around and stop for pictures without feeling like we were in anyones way. It was lovely, and the kids enjoyed it, all snuggled up in blankets while mom pushed them around in the chariot. (I LOVE that thing!!) And can't forget to meniton, that even tho it was cold, it still wasn't as cold as it has been in past years.

It's that time of year!

Winter is here and it's just lovely, for the most part. I love how everything looks all covered in white. It's much better than having everything just look dead. It's hard to believe that it's almost Christmas already. Time seems to be moving so quickly. I think I am ready for it...at least mostly. There's a few gifts left to take care of but nothing big to deal with! That's especially nice as Devon is off track until after the new year!!

We have yet to put up our Christmas tree or any of our lights. The kids are getting antsy about it. Hopefully this weekend. Maybe the weather will cooperate. I think it will be good to get all that up as I don't feel much holiday spirit at the time. Maybe some holiday music will help with that. I do enjoy listening to that.

We are just a short time away from Jared being done with the military. January is coming up fast. He's had a few nibbles in the job hunt but no bites yet. It's hard to find a job as an instructional designer I guess. I'm sure the right job will come along and everything will work. At least, that's what we keep telling ourselves. We are both scared out of our minds right now. It's very hard to imagine giving it all up-income, insurance, etc, without even having another job lined up yet. Although we're scared, we still feel like it's the right decision for our family. Jared is a hard worker and will find something, even if it's not the ideal job. I can get a job anywhere...it doesn't take much to get a job at walmart or something. There are jobs out there....just depends on what you are willing to do. The plus to it all is that Jared will be getting full pay until close to the end of February though. That will help out at least.

We have hope for everything...that's all we can do right now. Things will work out. It's a wonderful time of year to celebrate and be together as a family. Hopefully, things will work out soon.

Adams Canyon Hike

First off, thanks to Darcie and Crystal (Please correct me if I spelled her name wrong!) for taking the pictures. I didn't bring a camera.

So we thought it would be fun to take a hike while Darcie and Crystal were up visiting. I looked up some stuff and gotta say that a hike with a waterfall at the end sounded nice since you don't really see a lot of waterfalls in Utah. So that's where we went. Didn't sound too bad from the reviews....wow, it was harder than I thought. We all (well, except super in-shape injured Jared!!) got quite the workout. As I said, Jared....barely sweat! And he was carrying Ellie on his back the whole time! There were some pretty rough parts. Devon took them well. He takes after his dad, was jumping from rock to rock when he could. It was pretty warm that day but luckily, once you got into the trees, it was quite shady and the breeze blowing over the freezing cold stream helped cool you off! The fall leaves were starting to come out too so the colors were lovely. It was work, but the end was reward! Enjoy!

Isn't life crazy?

We're on the job hunt. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Jared's been looking for jobs for about a week now. He'll be done with his military service in February. We're really hoping to find a job before that. I have faith that he will. We're both scared out of our mind!! Hopefully, this job has been a great blessing for us. It's given Jared 6 years of experience as an instructional designer. We're hoping that helps land a job in the same field.

Last weekend my sister and her friend came to visit. We went on a wonderful, exhausting hike up into the mountains. I'll have to post the pictures soon. Jared's sister also had a baby blessing last weekend. Maddie is just adorable. http://theawesomejohnsons.blogspot.com/ It was fun getting to see all the family even for just a little while.

It'll be sad if we have to move away. We're trying to find jobs close by and keeping our fingers crossed. Oh what a scary ride!!

What to do, what to do....

I very much enjoy changes in life. It always feels like a fresh start, a chance to change things or become better. It's a new beginning with a new place, a new house, new job, new friends....

But, it can be very stressful figuring out what your new start should be. And that is where we are. What do we do? We have been praying to know the right decision...and no answers come. We know a couple of things that would be wrong...but that's as far as it gets. Right now, Jared is just applying for jobs at places that we think would be okay and we just pray that somehow we'll find the right job...and that he'll get it. It would be nice if finding the 'right' one happened sooner rather than later so that we can be done with the searching and move on to the preparing. Preparing is going to come with it's own group of stresses.

So that's where we are....waiting for our 'new' start but trying to figure out what it should be. We are running out of time to make the decision, but it doesn't feel like the answers are coming.

I'm so disappointed

This year, due to the long winter....the wild plum trees upfront didn't bear much fruit. I was looking forward to making some jam this year. Purple leaf plum trees only bear small fruit so you need a bunch to make the jam, but it is the best jam I have ever had, EVER! Jared absolutely loved it. But sadly, this year...no go on the jam. I was looking forward to making some this year because, well honestly, this may be the last season that I can harvest the fruit. Yes, we will be moving sometime in the future...really, anytime in 2011. We don't know when. I really wanted to at least make wild plum jam for one last time. I think I'm just going to have to plant myself a plum tree when we can finally settle down somewhere.

Joys

Ellie is now 3. She's such a beautiful little girl, full of so much life! We celebrated her birthday...a couple of times! She got a bit confused there but enjoyed it! Kept asking to open more presents. She had such joy with those gifts. On her birthday she was running around hugging everyone....big hugs that will knock you to the ground. Her favorite to hug was her big brother. He, well....he took it! So cute to watch that.

Yesterday, Devon decided he wanted to swim without his floaties. He can touch the bottom of the pool so he feels safe. He did it! He swam by himself. He felt so proud of himself. Mom and Dad are pretty proud too!

This morning, Ellie woke up early....still tired obviously. She curled up in bed with daddy....and there she sleeps now, wrap safely in her daddy's arms. It's such a sweet site. Daddy loves his kids so much.

My life is so full of joys...each and every exhausting day! I love my husband and my children so much. The Lord has blessed me with them. We have our challenges...but we are given the ones that will help us grow! I can see from our challenges, that any others that we were given wouldn't help us to grow. We need the one that we have, because the others would just be too easy for us to fix. I do not always enjoy our 'growing' experiences....but I'm looking forward to where they are going to take us.

Friendship & Socializing

So..last night I had a fun girl's night. I mean, really, it was fun....but I came home just exhausted mentally. For the first time I can remember, I realized that socializing with large groups exhausts me. It's not that I don't like being around people. It's just that being around a lot of people completely wears me out mentally. I remember back, in high school, I never had a large group of friends. I didn't need one...probably couldn't have handled one. We all remember people that needed the large group of friends...or maybe you were one. It doesn't mean one is better that the other. It's just different. Some people get energized being around large groups of people, interacting, socializing....others, like me, get worn out doing that. We get energized being around small groups of people, or one-on-one interactions. I always thought I was a pretty social person....and you know, I am, in the right setting.

Thinking about this also helped me see why it takes me so long to make really good friends. Since I keep such a small social group of people around, I'm picky about who I let in. I have to be very comfortable around you to let you in as a close 'friend'. I honestly only have 2 good friends here, 1 far away, that know me better than anyone else. I can get along with almost anyone, but I like having my few close friends better.

So now....you know. I'm not anti-social...I like people. But I can only handle a few of you at a time!

Given Up!

I have absolutely given up trying to make my house look the way I want now. At this time, what is the point? According to the military, we have to move...that's just it. We have been here too long for them and it is time to move on. Okay, we have a year, but honestly, I don't feel like putting that much time, money and effort would be worth it all for me to enjoy it for such a short period of time. So, no new light fixtures, no big expensive fix-ups anymore, just things that will help this place sell better and maybe some fresh paint on a few rooms. Right now, we are replacing doors....how fun! Okay, it's not so bad. We just need the doors to match!

So where we going after this? No idea...maybe overseas...we are still trying to figure out what is the best way to go. For now, it's just getting this place ready for a sell...and hopefully a good one. On to finish hanging a door!

Gratitude

So I noticed that I've complained a lot on here lately. My whole life isn't full of complaining, in fact, Jared and I have been trying very hard lately to have more gratitude in our lives. We've been working on expressing our gratitude towards each other and also just about life in general. It has been great. We've been having some good times and conversations. We've been getting along better, so it's been very nice.

So, to up lift this blog a bit, here's some things I'm grateful for:

• My family, they drive me crazy but they are worth it.
• My husband-he's a good man...he really is
• Our house-it might not have everything we would like or all the space, but it's enough for us
• The military (yes I know) because we've had a steady paycheck for almost 10 years...and as low as it is, it's still enough for me to be able to stay home with the kids.
• The stability that we have right now (I hope that we can keep it)
• That my husband isn't one of those men that just say 'that's too bad....this is what I want to do, so deal with it or leave'.
• That my husband is willing to consider doing a job that he hates so that our family can be stable

I hope that life will work out right for us in the future. It's challenging, very challenging right now, to figure out what's best for our family.....so many factors to consider. Praying for the best!

Worst Military-Wife Ever

Yes, that is me...the worst military-wife ever. Why? Because I am not a big fan of the military life....not at all. I hate the lack of a 'normal' life. Being stable...no deployments, our choice of moving, not theirs. Jared has to move soon....so many places he can go. Do we wait for the military to pick our next place? If you know me, you know that's not okay with me. Special duty jobs avoid deployment....but we'd probably end up in Texas again...it wasn't our favorite place. Regular jobs will get him deployed. We've had such a lucky almost 10 years without this....chances aren't getting any better for avoiding a deployment. He'll probably get pushed to the top of the list for that one. Other choice, a job Jared would probably just hate. We'd get to pick where we moved, we'd get extra pay....we'd get no deployments.....but Jared would hate it...just hate it, we are sure. I'm horrible, because right now, that's the way I'd like to go....horrible horrible military wife. I should be okay, accepting of a deployment. I should know it's just part of the military life. Well, I don't want to be part of the military life! I want a normal life. I just want to live it, enjoy it. The kids....well, they do too. Devon isn't the happiest about the idea of moving. He's old enough he gets it now. It's hard...very hard. I'm not okay with deployment. I'm not okay with my husband gone for 6 months, leaving me to raise the kids, take care of everything, and be there when the kids are having a hard time because they don't get to see their dad. It's not right...it just isn't.

Self-Esteem....or lack thereof

**I apologize now for any incoherent rambling that may exist in this post. I am not skilled at putting my thoughts into words. This really doesn't have much to do with the going-ons of our family...just some complaints I have that are probably coming from my hormonally driven thoughts right now.**

This subject has been on my mind a lot lately. Not just for me, but for my daughter and every other woman out there. Everyday we are bombarded by images of what society and media tell us what we 'should' look like. You cannot watch TV without there being a commercial for a new make-up, a new workout, or some other product to make us beautiful and sexy. And each of these products are endorsed by a size 2 perfect hourglass. How many of the 'popular' actresses really look like women you see walking down the street or through the grocery store? You can't even check-out at the store without having the one last flash of 'Real' beauty on the magazine racks, right there for you to see while you are stuck waiting in line. What is the point of all of this? These women are just a minority and do not even come close to representing the female community. So why is it there? Well, men like looking at it...women want men's attention, so in turn, we feel like we have to look like that in order to be attractive to men. Why? Why should we have to look a certain way? We are all beautiful in our way....who we are, how we feel, even the way we look. We are all beautiful because of our differences. We don't look the same. We don't look like cookie-cutter VS models. And we shouldn't, nor should we want to.

How are we ever supposed to feel good about ourselves in a world where pornography is a billion dollar a year industry, where ever channel you watch on TV (even antenna!!) is throwing images of the 'perfect' women at you, where you can't buy anything from a store without images being right there at the check-out?? Of course, it's easy to say that a big part of this is to blame on the men....sure, they choose to look, they choose compare us to the ever impossible to achieve level of beauty out there. But we are responsible for it too. We can't keep trying to make ourselves look better. It just shows 'them' that it's working. I'm all for looking good and feeling good about yourself but I've been stuck trying to obtain a level of beauty that can only be achieved by photoshop. I have chosen to avoid looking at those magazines...I will not anymore. I will not compare myself to any other women again. (I must say, it's working...I do feel better about myself and put myself down a lot less)

I am a real woman. I have stretch marks, loose skin and some extra fat. I do not have a pair of perfect, perky Ds that I paid $5000 for. My eyes look tired a lot, I have kids. I am getting wrinkles. My hair isn't shiny or even always washed. I don't have a professional make-up and hair stylist to make me look good everyday. I'm not a size 2, I don't have an hourglass figure. I'm not perfect but I am still beautiful because I am real.

Moving, Moving, Moving....eventually

Yeah, that's right. Sometime we are going to be moving...at least, we'll have orders by next march (2011) so in my world it's time to start thinking about it!

Right now, we're looking at Tucson...why? Well, Davis-Monthan AFB is down there. The job would be like it was for Jared in Texas...back shop stuff, tear the plane apart, put it back together..the stuff he loved. The weather...probably alot like Mesquite...it's a deseret. There's also a good possibility of no deployments.

Living here has been the longest we've lived anywhere in our married life. I've gotten used to it I guess. I feel settled down, finally. That's ending tho...so starts the researching that I am so anal about. I'm looking at homes, school districts, neighborhoods, the communte....trying to weigh the possibilities...see what fits our life the best. We still want to have a bit of a 'normal' life down there...so looking at the suburbs. On base has some good benefits for us...but we just aren't sure if that's something we really want to deal with. Why would we pay $1100 to live in a duplex when we could pay the same to buy a much bigger house with a bigger yard and in a real neighborhood? Well, the commute I guess. Who knows what that is going to be like.

Of course, then the worrier in me starts to kick in. It took me 4 years to actually makes friends here...I mean, real friends...so I'll be starting over with that. The over-protective mom in me will also be super cautious about babysitters and such all over again. It'll probably be a few years before I do leave my kids with a babysitter. Then there's the 'critters' out there...do I really want to worry about rattlesnakes and scorpions?? I mean, Ellie is a curious little monster that messes with EVERYTHING! I don't want her picking up something like that....or finding something like that in our backyard, or worse, our house! I would freak!! On top of all that, there's the worry of selling our home and finding one in just the right time-line. Honestly, I know I worry so much but I'm not good at just 'going with the flow'. I don't want to buy a house, and end up hating it and not being able to sell it. Oh well, we might not even go there...but honestly, don't know where else we would go right now.

Venting, Ramblings....who knows

I'm tired...I haven't had a decent night sleep in I can't remember how long. Ellie is sick now and waking up in the middle of the night. That is really not helping. Poor thing, I hope she gets feeling better soon.

My house is a mess and I should be cleaning it, but I am just tired and not up to it. It takes everything I have just to try to exercise.

I have to exercise. I'm trying to do it to get my energy up and get healthy. The increased energy is not a benefit that I am getting from exercise. Honestly, I'm not noticing any benefits. It's been 3 weeks, I've gained weight and I'm still tired! I'm not sleeping better and I'm not any less stressed either. I still feel high-strung most of the time. Maybe it takes longer for the benefits of exercise to start manifesting themselves.

Patience is not one of my strongest personality traits.

Apparently I have TMJ, my jaw is very off. Thanks to a very thorough dentist we figured this out. The treatment: her recommendations- massage (because apparently I really need to relax) and an adjustment from the chiropractor. Also some physical therapy stuff she showed me. If that doesn't help then I'll need a mouth guard to push my lower jaw forward at night and help the muscles relearn how to hold my jaw. Seriously, I don't have money for this but my jaw hurts!

Maybe Jared will write in here more often so everyone isn't always reading my complaints! :-)

Mommyhood

• Sleep in way too long and rush my son through breakfast just to get him to school on time.
• Try not looking like I haven't showered today and sometimes even yesterday
• Almost forget my son has early out this week, AGAIN!
• Try to figure out when I need to step in and play referee.
• Listen to squeals and screams of fun and fighting....I wonder which one it is now?
• Oh man, did I forget to eat lunch again?
• Another diaper change!? Why won't you potty train? I know this is just to rebel against me!
• "Put clothes on! We need to get your brother!" She just wore a diaper...at least she didn't have to get out of the car
• I lose most of the time
• "Time for homework" ....deep moans....and then cooperation! YAY! Victory!
• "What are you doing up on that chair?!"
• Don't mess with that!
• How did you get so dirty?
• Is that your good pair of pants with the hole in the knee?
• Amazed and so proud at how well my son is starting to read
• Annoyed that my girl who could care less 2 minutes earlier where I was, now thinks she needs all my attention because brother is getting help on his homework!
• Amazed that I've survied staying at home for over 5 years now.
• Very much love my kids but am happy that they are distracted
• Very happy the paino has headsets, I can turn the volume way up and pretend I am alone for 2 minutes!
• I did forget to eat lunch.

"Mom!"